By Hannah Magoola and Ann Mugunga On Thursday, October 16, 2025, Judge Mike Chibita unveiled his book “Leaders grieve last” which highlights...
By Hannah Magoola and Ann MugungaOn Thursday, October 16, 2025, Judge Mike Chibita unveiled his book“Leaders grieve last”which highlights different elements of grief and how we do, and might, deal with the loss of family members, friends, and coworkers. It prompted us to consider another dimension of grief, 'mourning' the loss of people who are still present but whose lives have been so altered that the foundation of life has been taken away from both them and us!
A single family observed signs that suggested health issues linked to aging in their mother, and they sought an evaluation from her physician. He assured them that she was in good health — in fact, he criticized them for not allowing her to accept aging with resilience and grace. From his viewpoint, they were restricting her, assuming that getting older would inevitably reduce her energy and passion for life.
This intelligent, authoritative, and highly independent woman spent most of her adult life as a single parent. A vibrant personality who rarely hesitated to discipline her children, shaping them into strong, well-mannered, and accountable individuals, she had, over time, supported, safeguarded, and set an example for them. As her children described, she became a "black Margaret Thatcher." Therefore, when she started forgetting names, losing things, and accusing people of stealing, the family was taken by surprise. Initially, these incidents were infrequent, appearing to be normal occurrences.
The family was unaware of what was happening, as what started as confusion would soon develop into a serious problem.
In another family's narrative, the mother, who had to relocate and live with her daughter's family, soon shared intense and troubling stories of physical abuse and emotional neglect. These claims, persistent and convincing, created tension and affected relationships among the siblings. It wasn't until these ongoing allegations were directed at an unsuspecting family member that the truth started to emerge. The family came to understand that although the mother's descriptions were elaborate and vivid, they did not reflect actual events, resulting in a shocking medical diagnosis.
Research indicates that Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia are becoming more common in Uganda, especially among individuals over the age of 70. As life expectancy increases and non-communicable conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure become more widespread, the factors contributing to dementia are growing, but public awareness is still limited.
Numerous families link initial signs to stress, old age, or spiritual issues. By the time a diagnosis occurs – if it does – the illness might have advanced, causing families to rush to grasp the situation and figure out how to react.
It is clear that dementia does not come with any warning. It gradually appears with signs such as repeating questions or stories, becoming lost in familiar areas, having difficulty with simple tasks, and experiencing sudden changes in mood or paranoia. In another family, a mother continuously accused the people around her of stealing money.
The relatives, not knowing about her illness, had intense arguments. However, occasionally, money was found in unusual spots: beneath the mattress or inside the sofa's cushions. No one suspected dementia, and in numerous instances, this ignorance causes tension within the family. Blame is exchanged; confidence is damaged, essential help is hindered, and the individual involved becomes more at risk.
Memory loss is a subtle and deeply damaging symptom of dementia. On one side, it leads to confusion and tension in relationships – particularly when the patient provides inaccurate or made-up stories that others accept as real.
On the contrary, it weakens the patient's reliability, causing family members to have trouble believing them (even if they are telling the truth). This contradiction results in a heartbreaking dilemma: the symptom that alters reality also takes away the patient's advantage of being trusted—increasing loneliness and suspicion.
It's common for individuals with dementia to assert they haven't eaten all day or to weepfully say they've been treated poorly by others. These stories often show a strong feeling of being at risk, with the patient seeing themselves as requiring safeguarding from perceived dangers or aggressors.
For families and caregivers, this poses a difficult challenge: they need to offer steady physical care while also dealing with the emotional and mental environment influenced by the patient's changed perspective. They must combine empathy with honesty, responding to upsetting statements without invalidating the patient's feelings—creating schedules that maintain respect while handling the emotional impact these moments can have on all involved.
This is why families must not try to handle dementia by themselves. The path is complicated – filled with learning, recovery, and the shared work of helping a loved one through the uncertain landscape of memory loss. It requires not just emotional endurance and mental toughness, but also the help of experienced healthcare experts.
As families look for assistance, it's important to move past general doctors and seek experts in geriatric medicine, neurology, physical therapy, orthopedics, and home care services. Every individual's journey with dementia is different, and the illness frequently manifests in ways that go against standard medical descriptions.
Although basic care guidelines provide a starting point, there is no universal solution. Successful dementia care requires innovation, flexibility, professional knowledge, and most importantly, a great deal of patience and empathy.
Taking care of a parent with dementia goes beyond medical responsibilities – it's an emotional challenge. Children have to face the difficult reality: the parent they once knew is transforming. Formerly robust and independent people now require assistance with daily activities like bathing, eating, or recalling simple information. This change can be unsettling. The roles are reversed. Important choices regarding money, health, and legal issues are now made by the children.
In Uganda, the process of estate administration frequently lacks formal systems, and families might have to use legal procedures to handle property, bank accounts, or custody. These procedures can be expensive, complicated, emotionally exhausting, and sometimes lead to conflicts.
Perhaps the most dangerous of all emotions is the feeling of loss. There exists a type of grieving within families facing dementia – not for death, but for change. The parent is still alive, yet no longer the same. Families find themselves in a state of uncertainty – hoping for recovery, fearing deterioration, and unsure how to move forward. When asked why she doesn't call home often, one daughter replied: "It's too painful. She isn't the Mum I know... it's hard for me to speak to her like this." Although dementia can be intimidating, families are not without options. They can empower themselves by learning about the symptoms, understanding the different stages, and exploring available support. Taking action early by consulting a doctor if changes are noticed is essential – an early diagnosis can slow the progression and enhance life quality.
The most powerful asset is collaboration. Through the exchange of resources and transparent communication, families can better manage this process. A clear objective and mutual responsibility make decision-making simpler—especially when it comes to legal matters (such as power of attorney, estate planning, and wills). The patient should be included while they are still mentally aware. Consulting professionals (like physicians, nurses, or home care specialists) can provide direction—don't wait until a crisis occurs to seek their assistance. Home care might be required, and employing a nurse or caregiver can ease the burden.
Recognize that this could bring about new situations and that healthcare teams differ – some show compassion, while others are more straightforward. Clear responsibilities, frequent updates, and collaborative choices can help reduce conflicts. Establishing respectful connections with the medical team leads to improved care. Speak up for your family members – ask questions. Stay involved.
Collaboration also involves families making financial plans. Caring for someone with dementia can be costly. Expenses such as home care, medicine, legal charges, hospital visits, or specialist appointments can accumulate into unexpected costs that need to be handled. Even while dealing with the changes, the family can acknowledge minor achievements and discover happiness in moments of clarity. Acceptance does not imply surrender – it means adjusting with affection.
One daughter shared: “I nearly lost my balance when Mum asked me about my fiancé – considering her issues with short-term memory, I assumed she had forgotten him. I'm thrilled!” Another mentioned: “I downloaded some stories for older adults today and read one to Mum – she loved it. I plan to continue reading these stories to her.” Africa's population is growing older. As income and life expectancy increase, lifestyle-related illnesses are becoming more common. Dementia is no longer uncommon, and we need to change the way we think about it. It is not a curse or a form of punishment – it is a medical condition that requires attention, empathy, and preparation. If you're reading this and your parents are getting older, don't delay. Communicate. Watch. Educate yourself. Get ready.
It's possible that dementia might not affect your family – but if it does, make sure you're prepared. When the mind begins to fade, love should take over. Not with fear, but with intention. Not with accusations, but with togetherness. And not with hopelessness, but with respect.
The writers are individuals who provide care for parents experiencing dementia.
Provided by SyndiGate Media Inc. (Syndigate.info).
