Jeff Bezos's former wife, MacKenzie Scott, and I share a similarity. We were both 48 years old when our marriages ended after 20 years. ...
Jeff Bezos's former wife, MacKenzie Scott, and I share a similarity. We were both 48 years old when our marriages ended after 20 years. MacKenzieleft with $38 billion, while I have not yet officially divorced, and will simply leave with good memories and three children.
We are two among an increasing number of women who are single during middle age. This is positive for us, as a new report indicates that one-third of divorced women state theyexperience the greatest joy they have ever known.
The main question for someone thinking about ending a long-term relationship is: Would I be happier without them? I have been separated from my husband for a year, and yes, I would say I am quite happy. Being single in your 40s – after raising children and experiencing perimenopause – offers a unique feeling of independence. We've experienced all of that. We built careers and found husbands in our early 20s, had kids in our 30s, and now we're on the other side. It's our time now. No wonder it feels like – how to express it? – fewer concerns are present. We have nothing left to prove.
A recent report from Survation interviewed 2,000 women between the ages of 45 and 65. Out of this group, 220 were divorced, and 31 percent of these women said they were happier than they had ever been. I don't want to overstate the significance of this small study, but it aligns with my own experiences and those of other women I have encountered. As divorce becomes less stigmatized, more older women are opting for this choice. According to the Office for National Statistics, between 2005 and 2015, the number of men over 65 getting divorced increased by 23 percent, and the number ofwomen of the same age getting a divorceincreased by 38 percent.
Experiencing happiness at various life stages is challenging to measure. I am content now, indeed, but I consider myself lucky to have lived a very joyful life. I was incredibly happy at 23, working a fantastic job in London, enjoying a steady income and embracing the extravagant 2000s fashion lifestyle. I also found happiness during the time when I had my children—particularly during the pregnancy and early newborn phase, filled with boundless anticipation and joy. I was also happily married for many years. My husband and I were genuine best friends, a strong partnership back in those days.
There are several aspects of my life that require attention. Money, for example. Managing my mortgage and expenses on my own after the separation is extremely challenging – I found it easier when we were sharing the responsibilities. Additionally, I'm uncertain if I'll be able to stay in my home due to financial difficulties. These issues mean I'm not experiencing my highest level of happiness at the moment.
My children are my most significant accomplishment. Their presence and companionship bring me joy. I work as a newspaper columnist and am almost done with my novel. These are major sources of happiness. Similarly, I have an incredible group of friends. A fulfilling social life leads to joyful days. I discover moments of happiness each day.
Perhaps we have a better understanding of these matters now that we're older. However, another great benefit of splitting up at 48 is the self-assurance I possess that I lacked in my twenties. In my 20s, I frequently feared I would never have children or be able to afford a home. That anxiety has since disappeared—and now, living on my own after a 25-year relationship, I feel free from the pressures typically imposed on women.
My residence resembles a mothership. It is supportive and free from judgment. I never had much interest in cleaning, but now, if I leave the dishes stacked instead of washing them before going to sleep, no one minds. I am not met with sighs for not scrubbing the kitchen sink or for not running the dishwasher. There is no subtle hostility or constant complaints about who is responsible for what.
Research repeatedly indicates that following a divorce, women tend to do less household chores while men take on more. It's refreshing to no longer have to consider one person. There are fewer clothes to clean and less food to purchase. My children and I are at ease with each other; we allow each other to lead simpler lives. Without a man around, the atmosphere shifts. It feels cozy and peaceful.
Not having an adult present to observe or evaluate my behaviors is also significant. There were moments in our relationship when I felt I needed to exercise more, or I sensed my ex was keeping track of how much wine I consumed. I'm not certain if he actually was, but the pressure existed as a constant undercurrent. Currently, I am content with myself. I lift weights, and I believe I am fit and healthy—I don't mind my slightly soft 48-year-old body as a mother of three.
I'm not in a hurry to meet someone new. I don't feel desperate to date, even though there are countless men on dating apps, should I decide to join. I believe that whoever spends time with me is lucky, not the other way around. Ask me again in a few years about my happiness, but I'll likely give the same response. I see happiness as something to strive for every day. We can discover joy in the tiniest of moments, regardless of our relationship status.
